Christianity and the Enneagram Podcast Number 2 - The Helper

Summary of the Helper Personality Type:

Core Need:  To be needed                
Core Desire: To be loved, to receive love for their service
Core Fear: Being unwanted, unworthy of love
Self-Image: The Giver
Primary Temptation: continually help others and in this way evade yourself
Root sin: Pride                                                    
“I want you to be happy, but I want to be the reason”

While the Perfectionist focuses on doing the “right thing”, the Helper focuses on the other person – their sense of identity is defined by their relationships.

“Twos are some of the most caring, kind, supportive, upbeat and tenderhearted people on God’s green earth… Twos have an amazing way of making other people feel safe and comfortable…Twos accept you just as you are ; they aren’t; judgmental, and the create space both physically and emotionally in which people can speak from their hearts and experience. They feel things deeply, and it is easy for them to express emotions… They are so attuned and responsive to other people’s pain you’d sometimes think they ‘re psychic… You don’t have to tell Twos what you require; they just know… They are indiscriminate care-givers. They can end up in co-dependent relationships… The problem is they assume everyone has the same ability to sense other people’s inner life as well.  Twos always end up giving away too much power to other people.  Twos believe other people are more needy than they are… Of all the numbers on the Enneagram, Twos are the most sensitive to criticism…  Twos believe they live in a world in which you have to be needed before you can be loved, and where you have to give to get.   Average Twos are unaware that there are unstated expectations and ulterior motives behind their helping behaviors…  Twos suffer from an inflated view of their own power, independence and value to others. What lies beneath that pride? Terror. Twos fear that acknowledging their wants will end in humiliation and that directly asking someone to fulfill their needs will lead to rejection.”
-Ian Morgan Cron in “The Road Back to You”

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress; I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge."
- Psalm 62

PRACTICAL STEPS A “HELPER” CAN TAKE:

1. Rather than hinting at your needs or leaving it to others to figure them out, try telling them directly
2. Internally take a deep breath and start over when you catch yourself trying too hard to present a likable image or flattering others to win their approval.
3. Don’t reflexively say yes to everything. When someone asks for your help, say you’ll get back to them with an answer once you’ve had time to think about it. Or just experiment with saying the word no. It’s a complete sentence.
4. When the urge to rescue or help overwhelms you, ask yourself, Is this mine to do ?  If you’re not sure, talk it over with a trusted friend.
5. Two or three times a day, ask yourself, What am I feeling right now ?  and What do I need right now ? Don’t worry if you can’t supply an answer. It takes time to develop self-care muscles.