Christianity and Enneagram Podcast Number 4 - The Romantic

Series: The Enneagram and the life of Faith

March 15, 2020
Langdon Palmer

Do you have a creative streak ? Do you ever get the sense that you are different ? Do you have a child that dances to a different drummer ? Listen to the story of Joseph in Genesis as we dive into what makes the Romantic or the Individualist tick. See the show notes for key images and quotes. See for the complete Enneagram series.

Episode Notes


Self-Image: The Individualist
Core Need: To be special              
Core Desire: To find/create their identity/significance
Core Fear: That they are without personal identity or significance/value
Primary Temptation: Frantic striving for authenticity
Root sin: Envy    
“Something is missing. Others have it. I have an irredeemable deficiency. I have been abandoned.”

Fours are highly Creative, Expressive, Emotionally Honest, Dramatic, Expressive, and Melancholy. They view themselves as somewhat different from other people, or genuinely unique. “Fours put their gifts to work to awaken a sense of beauty and harmony in their surroundings. They are often found in the arts and on the stage. FOURS have exquisite taste. They immediately see who has more style, more class, more taste, more talent, more unusual ideas, more genius than they do. They see who is simpler, more natural, more normal, and “healthier than they are.” They can be elitist, looking down on the masses who appear superficial. At the same time, it can feel “Hateful to be surrounded by people who have less depth but somehow manage to be happy.” Most Fours are of the opinion that society’s norms don’t hold for them. Formal authorities make no impression on a Four… But they revere poets, musicians, gurus, counselor, who have something “deep” about them or something “special.” Type FOURS can resent others who seem to have it better, or seem to have their act together in comparison to themselves. Fours are easy to recognize. They often dress to be noticed and to stand out. They can be drama queens. They feel relationships should be permanently vibrant, consuming, passionate, and alive. They find it difficult to maintain interest when they finally get what they have longed for. The real thing is not as compelling as the chase. They pine for the thing they want and then once they get it, get bored with it.   In relationships with unhealthy fours, this can mean there can be a pattern of: pursuit or seduction, a short time of bliss, then criticism and rejection, then a pining for the person once they leave, then a repeat of the pattern. “If you take a step forward, I take a step back. If you take a step back, I take a step forward.” Average Fours struggle daily with leaning to accept themselves as they are. They can be blind to what’s present in their lives, names the many wonderful qualities they already possess. Fours don’t have feelings, they are their feelings. Since feelings often shift, a Four can struggle with what their true identity is.

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” – 2 Corinthians 7:10


  1. Watch out you don’t instigate a drama or crisis with family or friends when your emotions start to feel run of the mill. All the world is NOT a stage, and you are not Shakespeare.
  2. Keep an eye out for envy! You never come out ahead when you compare yourself to other people.
  3. Stop fantasizing about the ideal relationship, career or community and getting stuck in longing for it. Instead, work hard for what’s possible and see it through to completion.
  4. Don’t look for beauty & meaning only in the extraordinary or unusual but in the ordinary & simple as well.
  5. When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say to you.

This series draws heavily from “The Road Back to You” by Cron and Stabile.
Music Credit: U2,
Art Credit:
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Content Copyright Belongs to Langdon Palmer